ISTP FAQ and Common Advice

Here are some of the most common problems I see asked to ISTP's, sorry if this sounds spiteful, that's because I'm just tired of hearing the same questions over and over:

-How do I know if ISTP likes me?
People don't realize when we like them because we don't even realize it ourselves AT THAT MOMENT. Solution? Act all flirty and whatnot, see how they treat you the next day after they've had time to think about it. If you give us a complement, we'll probably give you a blank stare. If we don't complement you, that's because we forgot to and it never crossed our mind.

-Can I meet an ISTP that isn't a sociopath?
This is an interesting question that I've seen on multiple occasions. When an ISTP looks like a sociopath, you're observing "Ti" in action (Introverted Thinking). The ISTP is lost completely in his frontal lobe and has no empathy or compassion. This occurs for several reasons:
-ISTP has something completely unrelated on their mind (ie: they might be thinking about why their car won't start)
-ISTP is in emotionally volatile territory, so in order to protect their feelings, ISTPs shut out any and all outside emotional pressures and influences. This is a defense mechanism. If we act this way, its because we can't trust you to react positively to our input. For example: if nearly everything we say insults you, we will eventually begin to shut off and close up.
-ISTP is skeptical of manipulation. If you are suspected of pressuring or manipulating your ISTP, he is going to close up on you.
-You aren't giving the ISTP enough space and alone time. Seriously, back off. Get out of visual range. He has to KNOW that you don't need him. Go find something else to do with your life outside the relationship. ISTP's are introverts, and need time to sit down and think about things. Depending on the situation, this can actually last several days to a week, because we recede from the world when we solve problems.

-Do we commit?
Yes. How do you speed up the process? Stop the PDA, stop acting like we're your toy that you want to show off to people in public, we're not monkeys. Chances are we might like you but don't want anyone to know; or we have 12 other girls/guys on our mind, in which case being more persistent will probably decrease your chances as we tend to only realize what he have when its gone. If we really like you we'll want to spend more time with you (isn't this the case with most personalities?)

-What gets us excited?
Physical activity and tactile challenges.

-My ISTP is very ... what do I do?
Ask him/her a question or inquire why he/she behaves that way, back off and let them think about it so they can act from there. You're not going to change their mind, they are. Any bossiness or demands will result in them doing the opposite to show you they're the ones at the controls, not you.

-Don't help us talk.

-Do we fear relationships?
No, we fear the guessing game that happens before commitment, and we fear the possibility that our freedom will suddenly vanish if we commit to you. So perhaps yes in some ways.

-Are we cold?
No, just unaware of our own emotions at the moment. We're usually hurt by things 30 minutes to an hour after it happened.

-Why are you guys so hawght?
Dunno, doesn't help much with the ladies anyway. We still have no idea what is going on even when they are attracted to us.

-Nonchalant, indifferent, rebellious, don't care about rules... why?
As another ISTP once put it, we don't need rules, because we could care less what we do to ourselves, that's OUR fault. But things get iffy once other people come into play. Some of us feel we don't want friends because friends ask for favors... screw that. We also learn by trial and error, and logical analysis. Stoicism is the most logical phylosophy, so if we break a rule and you wonder why we have no remorse, its because remorse accomplishes nothing, and it inhibits your ability to perform and continue to move forward. Rebellious? Like I said, we're at the controls, you need to understand that. You may ask us for favors though. Please be polite. Indifference? Our perspective is so limited to what's directly in front of us in the moment, that if its outside our visual range or we're not watching it on the news we simply don't care. Sounds selfish? Maybe to outsiders, but to us its a stretch for us to give a damn. We could pretend, because people with Fi will get upset if we don't. But for the most part its impossible for us to care unless we can sense it with our own eyes and ears.

-How do I get an ISTP to like me?
Appeal to their aesthetic taste. Stop dressing like a gypsy, take a shower and take part in some activity they enjoy, or perhaps ask them to teach you something from their activity... But once again, don't expect immediate results; its still ultimately our decision.

-Our first impressions are probably awful. Take however you've judged us in the first 3 minutes and flip it upside down.

-We never intend to hurt people on purpose; that would be mental illness of the Michael Myers persuasion. Anytime you insult us, its because you're jealous, or you don't understand how we think. Anything we say that insults you is probably your own personal experiences attacking you, and you should probably stop talking because its your fault and we're only going to make you look worse if we're good at identifying when people are lashing at us. Otherwise we'll say nothing to avoid conflict. However, we need to learn how to identify what degree of blunt speech is actually bad for us. Typism is no excuse for bad behavior.

-We ask questions, a lot of questions.

DJ Arendee wrote:
-Our first impressions are probably awful. Take however you've judged us in the first 3 minutes and flip it upside down.

-We ask questions, a lot of questions.

A number of friends (and one roommate) in college told me that they initially found me terrifying. Then they got to know me and their perception flipped.

I ask a ton of questions. Some people seem to find this threatening for some reason.

TheBearKingsWife wrote:

DJ Arendee wrote:
-Our first impressions are probably awful. Take however you've judged us in the first 3 minutes and flip it upside down.

-We ask questions, a lot of questions.

A number of friends (and one roommate) in college told me that they initially found me terrifying. Then they got to know me and their perception flipped.

I ask a ton of questions. Some people seem to find this threatening for some reason.

People always seemed freaked out by how many questions I ask too. It's just me in information gathering mode!

When I started this new job, people didn't know how to take me or approach me. They think I'm always pissed off, or something.

Its annoying.

[quote="TheBearKingsWife"]

DJ Arendee wrote:
I ask a ton of questions. Some people seem to find this threatening for some reason.

I find it terrifying when my boyfriend does this. Because they are always questions that I would prefer to have time to think about before answering. I feel like he's judging me based on my answers to his questions.

Yeah, I think people often assume I'm asking the questions with critical intent, rather than interest.

[quote="Siren"]

TheBearKingsWife wrote:

DJ Arendee wrote:
I ask a ton of questions. Some people seem to find this threatening for some reason.

I find it terrifying when my boyfriend does this. Because they are always questions that I would prefer to have time to think about before answering. I feel like he's judging me based on my answers to his questions.

Interesting. I never viewed myself as judgemental, because I am constantly second guessing conclusions. But regardless, people tell me I am (I am defensively judgemental on purpose, I know that much). Why would it be terrifying? Do you have a reputation you're trying to uphold?

[quote="DJ Arendee
Interesting. I never viewed myself as judgemental, because I am constantly second guessing conclusions. But regardless, people tell me I am (I am defensively judgemental on purpose, I know that much). Why would it be terrifying? Do you have a reputation you're trying to uphold?[/quote]

I just don't want to get the answer "wrong" and have him not like me anymore. I really respect him and his opinion and if I didn't answer "right" and it affected his opinion of me I would be really devastated. I feel pressured to answer right away when I should take more time to think about the answer. I guess I just need to take my time and answer more thoughtfully.

I should say that he's British, so our backgrounds are a bit different.

I remember my former roommates always started apologized whenever I'd look at them if they were in the common room. They always seemed to think they'd done something to piss me off even if I was just going to the sink to refill a water bottle. From what I've been told, it's because when I look at people who don't know me well, my neutral expression looks angry but once you get to know me, it looks more like "intelligent awareness." That's coming from an INTP btw.

My office manager is always falling over herself to explain her actions to me. When I look at her blankly (because I don't know why she's explaining them) she becomes even more flustered.

The blank look is one of our greatest weapons when it comes to messing people up.