Found this on ENFP Forum

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Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by Thinkist on Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:06 am

Don't take this too impersonally. It's just one ENFP's experience of ISTPs like us.

This is all a quote from wayupnorth, an awesome ENFP on another forum who was nice enough to provide some basic information/insight into the ISTP.

" So background - been together with an ISTP and a 40yo one for 5 years now. I broke up with him for a year because of emotional invalidation and poor communication. But he fought for me and would not go away - we are meant for each other regardless of our challenges. I also work with a bazillion of them on drilling rigs... so, yes - I have a LOT of insight!!

There is so much ot say, so I will just start off with communication and some random thoughts... I'll try and do point form, since there is a lot of information.

- They are poor communicators. You have to fight tooth and nail for them to talk. Part of it is because they do not want to, and I found mine cared so much about me he was afraid of saying the wrong thing and messing it up (perfectionist!!! - and we both are).

- Mine will run away rather than talk. I have had to say - "Don't you dare run away from me!!"

- When I have something important, I often find email is more effective. They are much better written communicators than verbal communicators. I tell him I'm writing this so you have a chance to think about what I am saying. Think about it and we can come back to it when you are ready. I hold him to it too! No escape

- We met, ironically, by "talking" online. Again, written word is waaaay better than the phone or even face-to-face. On the phone we can have literally minutes of silence, which is annoying but I love him anyway.

- You will likely not get many "words of affirmation" but you will get a lot of "acts of service". They HATE nagging but if you really appreciate what they DO for you, you will both feel very loved.

- Mine has massive issues about violations of personal space. However, when it comes to me, there is no space between us. He is the best hugger and back massager ever and toucher in general (shhhhhh it's a secret )

- I mention these things because touch and doing nice things for you are like ways of communicating.

- My ISTP "talks" to me in grunts and raaawrs and hmphs. I have a strong intuition, so I know what he's sayin'. Body language is key as well.

- ISTPs live in the present. They do not tend to think about the future. Mine has zero sense of time. He thought we were together 6 months when it was 3 years. I'm serious. A day without a phone call seems like eternity to me, and seems like a minute to him. He is also ageless.... but he is also ego-less. ISTPs do not power trip or have major ego malfunctions.

- Surprisingly, they are extremely affected by having their hearts broken. Mine is still expressing hurt from the past, although he doesn't even know it. I think they guard their emotions so tightly and are really afraid of getting hurt. So they really need to feel loved back I find. I try and tell mine that I love him and life is better together and he is so thoughtful and wonderful. It actually makes a huge difference even though they don't seem to care.


So here's a start!! A lot to say so let's go from here ISTPs are so enigmatic. They also wouldn't be with you unless they did really like you. When they have an opinion, they mean it and it is well-thought-out.

I really like helping out because understanding leads to cutting a lot of bullshit out right away And it's nice to help. I am very pro-ISTP. Several of my NF/NT friends and relatives have ended up with them actually."

As I was reading this, I was thinking a lot about my relationship with my ENFP GF...

Here's where the incompatibility arises: she gets these emotional breakdowns every so often for what seems to me like no reason, and this gets my Fe going. Being heavily extroverted, she practically yells out her Fi... which influences my Fe, desiring to manipulate her back to a state of being pleasant. Of course that does no good, and especially not when her Te barks out at me to go away (perhaps paralleling that of other FPs)....

She also tries to impress me, but I suspect she's not being her honest, truthful self. For instance, I asked her if getting Portal/Portal 2 (games made for thinkers) for her birthday would be OK with her, and she said it's fine. When I find out she struggles to the point of not really playing the game, that arouses my suspicions.

It also looks like she has some issues with my chronic indecision, and her Te's not helping. On top of that, we have too little in common, so it's hard to find stuff we both like to do.

If it's another relationship, it's gotta be an FJ next time. Someone who will understand my need to be appreciated and loved when it arises, and to have a sense of genuine truth (FPs may be genuine, but not necessarily truthful). When I saw ENFP I should've known from the get-go that we would be incompatible. She also tested as the sociotype EXE (later EIE). As an SLI this means I ahve somehow been in a relationsip with my conflictor (Socionics describes conflict relations like ours: "At times, relations seem to be improving, but at the most inopportune moment conflictor suddenly says something hurtful to you.")!

Sometimes I wonder if she understands how much it means to an ISTP to be in a relationship. As an ISTP, I chose her for (what I thought to be) very good reasons. ISTPs with good Ni don't just pick up someone on the spur-of-the-moment. And additionally, ISTPs aren't normally very emotional or touchy-feely, so it means a TON for them to be in a relationship.

Still though, the Fi/Fe and Ti/Te (also Fi/Ti and Fe/Te) differences are getting to us quickly. I become manipulative and she doesn't like it. She becomes orderly and I find out I don't really like it.

...OK, that's enough. Better to not sound like an NFP writing a WoT if I can help it tongue


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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by MXZCCT on Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:40 am

Wayupnorth knows her shit.
There aren't too many out there like her.


Erbse wrote:Fuck that Fe.
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by Kayness on Sun Jul 01, 2012 6:56 am

My ISTP "talks" to me in grunts and raaawrs and hmphs. I have a strong intuition, so I know what he's sayin'
This line cracks me up

I can totally imagine the conversation going like this:
ENFP: Good morning!
ISTP: mmhmm
(ENFP interpretation: Good morning my dear! You look so beautiful today! How about a cup of coffee?)
ENFP: Why yes I'd LOVE to have a cup of coffee! Oh do you know that in this place in Indonesia they have this specialty coffee where they have a bunch of squirrels eat those beans and shit them out and they roast those beans? I know, it's gross right? But hey people would try out the weirdest stuff sometimes. Hey maybe it won't be so bad. I'd like to try it one day. Why not? what do you think my dear?
ISTP: uh-huh
(ENFP interpretation: Why yes, that sounds initially rather gross but I'm sure it's intriguing, I'd be up for that if we could find some if it's not too expensive of course)
ENFP: Oh, this reminds me of this one time when I was talking to my friend Janelle about tea, and she said that you can't use reboiled water when you brew tea because the water loses oxygen after the first time it's boiled and the tea won't taste as good! Speaking of which, I forgot to buy chamomile tea...and this one time in band camp...
ISTP: hmph
(ENFP interpretation....)

etc.


amidoinitrite?


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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by Khys on Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:55 am

Kayness wrote:
My ISTP "talks" to me in grunts and raaawrs and hmphs. I have a strong intuition, so I know what he's sayin'
This line cracks me up

I can totally imagine the conversation going like this:
ENFP: Good morning!
ISTP: mmhmm
(ENFP interpretation: Good morning my dear! You look so beautiful today! How about a cup of coffee?)
ENFP: Why yes I'd LOVE to have a cup of coffee! Oh do you know that in this place in Indonesia they have this specialty coffee where they have a bunch of squirrels eat those beans and shit them out and they roast those beans? I know, it's gross right? But hey people would try out the weirdest stuff sometimes. Hey maybe it won't be so bad. I'd like to try it one day. Why not? what do you think my dear?
ISTP: uh-huh
(ENFP interpretation: Why yes, that sounds initially rather gross but I'm sure it's intriguing, I'd be up for that if we could find some if it's not too expensive of course)
ENFP: Oh, this reminds me of this one time when I was talking to my friend Janelle about tea, and she said that you can't use reboiled water when you brew tea because the water loses oxygen after the first time it's boiled and the tea won't taste as good! Speaking of which, I forgot to buy chamomile tea...and this one time in band camp...
ISTP: hmph
(ENFP interpretation....)

etc.

You just completely summed up all conversations between me and my Enfp sis
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by haleth on Fri Jul 13, 2012 3:01 am

A lot to say so let's go from here ISTPs are so enigmatic. They also wouldn't be with you unless they did really like you.

That's honesty I can appreciate.
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by DJ Arendee on Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:06 pm

- Mine will run away rather than talk. I have had to say - "Don't you dare run away from me!!"

I gagged
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by HammerheadShark on Wed Jan 30, 2013 7:56 am

(FPs may be genuine, but not necessarily truthful).

You're right. I mean that truthfully. I mean genuinely.
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

Post by DaughterofFlynn on Sun Sep 27, 2015 10:59 am

Lol a lot of these things sound like me and my mom. She wants me to talk about things like feelings, and I have no idea what she means. And I much prefer email to talking on the phone or in person when it comes to really expressing what I think. I'm Skyping home today, so I'd better work on my talking in person skills...
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Re: Found this on ENFP Forum

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