increasing 'help' demands.

View previous topic View next topic Go down

increasing 'help' demands.

Post by Trifoilum on Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:45 am

So.. I know there's another topic I made, but.. >_>
My ISTP brother has a tendency to-- hmm, slowly adding his demands of 'help'

For instance; the most recent ones dealt with webgames. (And, yeah; most often it's small things)
at first, he asked my help to play it while he's away.
Then the frequency increased.
Then when he's at home, he wanted to use my PC instead to play rather than spending few minutes to turn his PC on.
Then just this night, he used my PC -- straight without asking (I was in the kitchen, no less)
It's like he's pushing through any gaps available to make him most convenient; bothering others so he's not bothered.
And it's like he's making me (and others) as a safety net. Under the banner of 'helping'. And because he has a reason (CHASING RECORD, Y'ALL) he's therefore justified in doing all this (and I'm the cold calculating bitchy jerk for refusing to 'help')

I really found it easier not to allow anything from the first place.

But still, I'd like to receive your perspective in this matter. Is this something familiar to other ISTPs here? Or it's more of a personal thing?
Any theories?
avatar
Trifoilum
Garbage Chief

Join date : 2012-06-19
Age : 26
Location : Asia
Job/hobbies : drawing, sleeping, musing
Motto : it's not about right and wrong.

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by WhyIOtter on Fri Dec 14, 2012 1:17 pm

I'm also INFJ. Married to an ISTP.

I get frustrated with this frequently, and recently tried to liken the behavior to the parable of the camel who stuck it's nose in the tent and eventually took over completely. This won me a blank stare. alien I didn't feel very special about my prize, though, since almost everything I do/say wins me a blank stare.

I've found that once an inch is established, the right to take a mile is almost inferred by this particular brand of ISTP. For instance, once, many years ago, I helped ISTP find his car keys. (I'm very good at locating lost items). After that, there was pretty much no living with him whenever he lost something, because since I have the ability to find it and also live here, it's only logical that I should drop whatever I'm doing to help him.

If you live with an ISTP and they adopt you forever, they tend to view you as a tool in their very large toolbox. The only solution to that particular habit is to stop living with them. For the most part, he's great, so I find ways to break up the rut. Because I can do eccentric and cute, I tend to use humor to deflect his intensity when he gets a bee in his bonnet a lot. Happily, he has a great sense of humor. santa I also bargain. "Sure, I'll find your damn keys...if you'll install a new headlight in my car."
avatar
WhyIOtter
Garbage Man

Join date : 2012-12-14

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by Siren on Fri Dec 14, 2012 1:48 pm

I suspect my brother of being an ISTP as well. He does this and it annoys the shit out of me. You just need to communicate your boundaries better. Try to do it with no emotion I.e. before you're so annoyed that you're yelling.

I think it has to do with being in an unhealthy state, at least for my brother. I can't imagine my boyfriend doing this at all. He never asks for anything.
avatar
Siren
Motorcycle Gang Leader

Call Sign : Dirty Ni
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : East Coast, USA
Job/hobbies : krav maga, triathlons
Motto : There's no I in team but there is an M and an E.

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by WhyIOtter on Fri Dec 14, 2012 1:54 pm

Seems to me that most of the ISTPs I know get a huge sense of camaraderie from having some communal stuff or access to the resources of others. I really don't get that, and would prefer to have everything I own left the hell alone. I'll share my emotional resources and attention all day long, but you better leave my earl grey tea alone, there, pal. He, on the other hand, will randomly give things away without a second thought. I'm thinking that's how his Fe most often expresses itself. He shares skill that way, too, if the idea is appealing enough.
avatar
WhyIOtter
Garbage Man

Join date : 2012-12-14

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by ohtochooseaname on Fri Dec 14, 2012 4:29 pm

Hmm...asking other people for help or assistance with anything is horribly uncomfortable to me, and I'd rather have teeth pulled. On the other hand, I totally am the communal sharing type. I don't really consider my stuff to be my stuff...it's just stuff, which improves my life. I don't have an emotional attachment to it, and if it's gone, as long as I don't feel its loss (damn, I wish I had X right now, but I gave it away), I don't really notice that it's gone.
avatar
ohtochooseaname
Crane Operator

Join date : 2012-06-04
Job/hobbies : Optical Engineer
Motto : "If a butterfly had the teeth of a tiger, it would never get out of the hangar"

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by carok on Tue Dec 25, 2012 4:30 am

I think this is the spreading out thing. Often I don't mind, sometimes I mind a little, and other times it's damn alarming when too much territory is encroached. Very Happy The ISTPs I know are good natured and aren't a bit ruffled when I set a boundary.
They need to be able to "spread out"--both physically and psychologically--which generally implies encroaching to some degree on others, especially if they decide that something of someone else's is going to become their next project. (They are generally quite comfortable, however, with being treated the same way they treat others--at least in this respect.)
http://www.typelogic.com/istp.html
avatar
carok
Construction Chief

Join date : 2012-09-24
Location : US
Job/hobbies : Enjoy MBTI study & Obscure strategy games
Motto : Some shmoozing is not a bad thing

Back to top Go down

Re: increasing 'help' demands.

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum